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Martin - martin@globalflyfisher.com

Multiplexed Microsoft Mayhem

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Ok. Let’s get this straight. I’m a consultant that works at my client’s digs. They usually give me an inadequate computer (low RAM, hard drives measured in megabytes, not gigabytes, Windows 95 or 2000 OS, old versions of PowerPoint and Excel) to manage their extremely important strategic focus for the company… yet I can barely manage to blunder through a PowerPoint doc without seeing the blue screen of death.

Troubles aside, I usually have to install and configure Outlook myself to read company emails as well. This is my big MICROSTINK beef. Why must all the settings associated with emails—how you view them and how email behaviors are set—be hidden in senseless layers of tabbed screens? For some reason unbeknownst to me, all my Outlook settings were “reset” by some so-called smart network engineer or sysadmin that had NO FRIGGIN’ business touching my network Outlook settings. So, off I go into the MICROSTINK abyss to reset how my window panes appear and all the useless settings that go with them. A simple task takes 45 minutes just to find out all the places little checkboxes are contained to change the behavior of Outlook… just to read stinkin’ emails that are mostly worthless anyways.

EXAMPLE: To auto-mark emails as “been read,” I must go to the “Tools:Options:Other:Preview Pane” menu. In the Preview Pane section? I think not! This option clearly is one that should go under Tools:Options:Email tab, where the description of the options underneath clearly states: “Change the appearance of messages and the way they are handled.” GEEESH. By the way, the “Preview Pane” options box says to click that option if you want to change “The appearance and behavior of the preview pane.”

I want to sit down with one of the MICROBLUNDER software engineers and slit their phukkn’ throat, watch them bleed over their keyboard as they navigate through the senseless maze of hidden configuration options looking for the button called “get medical help”… (which redirects them to a webpage full of similar help topics with further information links and a button at the bottom that says, “Was this information helpful?”).

Why can’t setup options be alphabetically organized, or at least topically organized… such that all flippin’ email settings are in one place, all flippin’ account settings in one place, all flippin’ Outlook configuration settings in one place?

Let me at ‘em… and I haven’t even had coffee yet this morning. Time to go fishing, me thinks.

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